We just got back from our all-China retreat in CD this past weekend. We had a chance to see everyone that we met in HK last year again. It was great to reconnect and see the kids growing up a lot.

The speaker showed us the lives of the Israelites as they were wandering the wilderness from Numbers. He reminded us that as followers of JC, we are pilgrims on this earth, on a journey home. We don't live here. One of the marks of the wilderness is suffering. The Israelites weren't meant to live on manna and quail. Instead those provisions were supposed to nourish them and strengthen them for the time they were in and point them towards what was better in the promised land. If G gave them milk and honey in the wilderness it would have simply confused the Israelites into thinking they had already arrived to the promised land.

We are wandering the wilderness as well. We have blessings but those are only a shadow of the blessings we will receive when we get to heaven. We shouldn't be pursuing the things of the earth as if those things are the end all and be all. It's only a glimpse. But often we mistake our journey for the destination and lay roots down in a place that is going to wither away. The things of earth will pass but the things of heaven are eternal. The oases you encounter in the desert is not the promised land. It's only that, an oasis, a temporary respite from the journey.

Remember that when you suffer, it's par for the course. Don't be surprised when it happens. If they crucified JC on a tree, what will the world do to us? If they world loves you, you have to wonder what you're doing wrong. If you're pursuing the things of this world, your treasures will not be in heaven waiting for you. They will be gone as surely as the earth will be gone.

The wilderness exposes our weaknesses. But it's precisely in those moments that G's strength and glory shine through. In our weakness his strength is made perfect and in doing so he glorifies himself. Remember how G was glorified through a despicable, unimaginable death on a cross.

Satan tempted JC with all of the glory of the world if JC would only bow down and worship him. Satan was offering him a way to glorify himself without death on a cross. This was the very thing JC prayed in the garden, to let the cup pass from him, but that G's will would be done, not his own. So he was offering JC all of the glory without any of the shame, pain, humiliation and torture of the cross. How tempting indeed! Of course his obedience to the Father and the Father's great love for us prevented him from ever seriously considering such a temptation. Oh, how he died for a wretched sinner as me, even before I knew him, he died for me.

So consider the sufferings of this journey as a joy. Let them be a reminder that we are pilgrims merely passing through. Keep us longing for heaven, a better place, a place promised for us, flowing with milk and honey.

Late last night, in order to remember Good Friday, a few us got together to sing some songs, hear about the events that led up to the crucifixion and have communion together. We are very aware of who we are as c's in this country. We need to be very careful and wise with who we talk with and foster relationships with. The few times we get to come together and really worship together there is such a feeling of release and freedom that it's very overwhelming. Not to be overly dramatic, but it kind of feels like being released from prison. Of course, after the meeting is done, we go back to being very careful and low key.

I've been thinking a lot recently about how to best go about doing min. here. Obviously we have to be careful, but how much of this is just an excuse to not put ourselves out there fully. John 15 tells us that the world will hate us and that because JC suffered, we ought to expect the same kind of thing. Part of me feels like I should just put it all on the line, even if it means suffering or hardships. The real problem is, as a foreigner, they probably wouldn't do much to me. I would just be sent back home and the people here would actually suffer. To bring suffering upon yourself is one thing, to bring it upon someone else is quite another. I can't be sure it's my choice to make.

Regardless, Good Friday reminded me that 1) G is in control, that his will and his plans will be accomplished, 2) the sacrifice made for me was the greatest one ever made and it brought me into a relationship with G, 3) I want to share this good news with as many people as I can here, which means being careful and wise, and finally 4) there is so much joy in being able to worship freely that I hope that one day all c's in this country will be able to do so. 

These days, social media seems to be the main way people keep in contact. This is true of friends, family and even businesses and celebrities. If you don't have a "presence" you might as well not exist. Being in a closed country affords us little opportunity to make our work and struggle known.

We get on fb every once in awhile to stay informed of what is going on with friends and family. We also get to see other m's post snippets of their lives, praise reports and yarp requests. We envy them to a certain extent because they can freely express all the things they are experiencing and going through. We can only post mundane or seemingly irrelevant things about life here. In fact, one could see our posts and conclude we just eat, relax and have fun. It's hard to keep people interested and engaged. In this day and age, the newsletter is the hand written letter of the 80s and 90s. It's just not as interesting and interactive enough.

Truth is, life here is sometimes difficult beyond imagine. Not because of comfort, food or other trivial things, but because the need is so great, the means are so limited, the simplest things can be so overwhelmingly frustrating and all the while we must keep a low profile. Sometimes my heart feels so cooped up I don't know what to do. I literally want to "shout it from the mountain tops" and sometimes I even think what it would be like to get kicked out of the country. The enemy attacks from all sides, even at our kids. But every time I get to share the g-sp-l I feel relieved, free and at peace.

No one can understand this unless they are here or have been here. It's why we covet the yarps of m's no longer on the field. They know what we need. And we can keep posting mundane, irrelevant pictures and things on blogs and fb to keep reminding people we are here and maybe they will raise up a yarp every now and then when they remember us. People often say they can feel the yarps of people back home. I think it's so very true.

But through everything; our fears, our doubts, our unfaithfulness, people back home forgetting us or locals here rejecting us or other c's and m's hating us, the only thing we can count on is that G will see it through. His will cannot be thwarted and He will accomplish His plans according to His good purpose. My only hope is that even if it's all meant for evil, G means it for good.

This past Saturday, we got a chance to visit an hc and attend a training for hc leaders here in Beijing. There is a strong movement in reformed-minded ch's to get back to the Good News and gain a deeper understanding of it. The training was based on Tim Keller's G_spel DNA, which you can read more about here. We were able to meet some leaders we had met last December and connect with even more people this time around. Now, our Chinese is still not at the level where we could understand everything that was going on, but with the help of dictionaries and some translations, we were able to stay up to speed with the gist of what was going on.

The leaders were asked to evaluate their ch's regarding four areas: worship & evangelism, fellowship & discipleship, social justice and interconnecting faith & work. It is evident that even in Beijing, the ch's are at different stages regarding maturity, knowledge, etc.

We met two leaders from the same ch that pretty much wanted help with all aspects from praise and worship to b studies. They said their congregation was only 50 people made up of mostly young people. The two leaders themselves were balancing working full-time and also leading the ch at the same time. Our hearts went out to them. Their desire was to faithfully serve and min to people, but they were hampered with just trying to eek out a living while attempting to do so.

We also had a chance to meet another leader we met in December. He had lost his wife and child because of his faith and was still struggling with going into full-time min.

The faith that these leaders exhibit day in and day out here is extraordinary. I still find myself lacking in so much faith even after having tasted of his goodness so many times before. These leaders risk much more than I dare to dream, while I dream of petty things like food I miss.

I struggle with patience a lot these days, patience regarding my children, patience regarding language learning, patience for G to give me clearer direction for min. Definitely the opportunities are plentiful, but which way to go?

But one thing is clear and I'm very thankful for it. I have a renewed sense of the Good News and I feel like my understanding of it is getting deeper and deeper. I feel I'm on the brink of personal revival and my hope is that it will somehow be a good influence on my family, teammates and other people I meet.

My experiences here once again remind me that G_d is the one who saves. What I mean is, no amount of logical, rational, reasonable or even manufactured supernatural arguments are going to win anyone over. It's only the Spirit that can regenerate a heart dead in sin. I know, we've read it, studied it and have seen it from time to time. But it just seems so clear to me that evidential apologetics is actually more helpful to cement the faith of the believer, not necessarily to convince the unbeliever. I'm not saying it's not useful, I just feel that the jump to faith takes more than facts.

As we were sharing with a group of young women, 1 Cor 1:18 kept popping into my mind. "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God."

Without the intervention of the Spirit, what we shared simply was foolishness. A king who comes as a servant? Instead of reigning over all of the earth, he chooses to die? A G_d who offers grace and mercy, a free gift of salvation by sacrificing his beloved Son? For those of us who know it and believe it, it truly is the source of power; power in love, humility, obedience and service. For those that don't, it's mythology with an unbelievable premise: a salvation you don't earn with good works.

Pray for the unbelievers in your life. It's actually not hard to understand why they might not believe. It is, after all, foolishness to them. Pray that the Spirit would move in their hearts so that they might see the great sacrifice made for sinners like you and me.

One of the things I started this past fall was a b study on the book of John at a local hc. I actually took it over from another m here who had too many things going on. I thought it was a good opportunity to get my feet wet in teaching, plus they wanted everything to be done in English, so I was more than happy to oblige. I also wanted to check out an hc, get to know the people and see what kinds of needs they have.

It has been a great experience for me for many reasons.

First, the hunger and desire to learn more about the Word is really encouraging. In the states, you have a tough time getting people to stay for a half an hour study. They are easily distracted. The people here seem very used to staying in one place for hours without losing interest or getting bored. Our studies go on for 2+ hours every time.

At first, I was a little intimidated about having to prepare so much material and teach for so long. Would I have enough things to talk about? Well, there is no end to the material that is out there and I consistently have to pare down my PPT slides to fit the 2 hour allotted time.

Another benefit is I have a brand new appreciation for the work and preparation that a p does for each Sunday. It's a lot of work and research. Trying to expound verse by verse is no easy task. Then you start to wonder if you'll be able to adequately express the deep truths that you've been convicted of during the preparation. It seems to be a weekly stress. Obviously, seasoned p's probably don't have as much anxiety and anticipation as I have. Still, the burden of responsibly and clearly proclaiming G's truth is not to be taken lightly. I wonder if I prepped enough during my days leading small groups and community groups. Then again, I probably didn't have the 20 hours to do so either. Which reminds me, I can also see how easy it is to completely neglect your family because you're doing "G's" work in preparing and researching. I find myself falling into that trap constantly.

But the greatest benefit is how much I've learned and have been encouraged by my study and preparation. The good news is more alive to me now than it ever has been. It is also profoundly clear to me why we've been called here.

Consider your own walk. G has called you out of darkness and has made you a child of his, co-heirs with JC. Only their glory matters. Are you doing all you can to do G's work in the place he has put you? You are there for a reason. Share JC's love purposefully today. 

Often times when people are confronted with G_d and JC, I hear the response that their life is fine right now, they don't feel the need for G_d. They even go so far as to acknowledge that if they were desperate, they would most assuredly turn to him. For now, they aren't in that place. Truth is, as the B tells us, people suppress the truth. They know they are sinners, but they feel that in the end, their good deeds will outweigh their bad ones and that's all that matters. They fail to realize that even one sin separates us from him and no amount of "good" deeds can ever span the chasm between us and G_d. So in fact, they are desperate, they just don't realize it. The problems of this world are nothing compared to the problem of eternal separation from G_d. Admittedly, it's difficult to get someone to think about the after life when they are so busy trying to survive the current life right now.

I remember when I was in elementary school I had some Jewish friends. They were ethnically Israeli and religiously Jewish. Whenever they had to write the word for our Father, they wrote it like G_d. It stemmed from the idea that G_d's name was so holy, a man should not utter or write his name without reverence. Contrast that with how we freely write and say the word in our lives today. Because of JC we can approach the throne of G_d with confidence, cloaked in JC's righteousness. However, we often abuse this privilege and take his name in vain, without reverence. We are saved by grace, but we ought not to look the grace giver in the face and openly disrespect him. What kind of a response would that be?  

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